Another Url, Another Planet

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Last season I was very pleased with my August predictions for the 2008-09 English Premier League. OK, I admit that I was a couple of points out with Liverpool's lead at Xmas. But still, extremely satisfying.

To give myself more chance of being right this time, I procrastinated long enough for almost half a season to pass by before gazing once more into the stars and discerning what the future holds for clubs both big and small.

Of course, living in London with all its big city lights, I can't actually see any stars in the night sky. So please forgive me if this season's predictions don't turn out to be wholly accurate. So, instead of gazing into the stars I'm going to beta-test looking through my beer goggles (courtesy - appropriately enough, as it turns out - of Stella Artois and Carlsberg Export).

Now, what can I see.... Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a reflection in my window?

No. I think it is a red dwarf. No. I see it now. It is a small man with a red face. No, it's not Sammy Lee! He's not that small. He's scribbling furiously in a notebook. It looks like a list, a Xmas list perhaps?

'Allo, 'Allo! Who's this?

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="512" caption="Rene notes down the order - Champions League and FA Cup for starters, four years of nothing for the main course, finished off with a second helping of nothing and a Europa League place, please."][/caption]

Wait. No. It's not the fat French waiter Rene, it's his Spanish cousin Rafa:

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="324" caption="Just a perfect day; drink sangria in the park... Just a perfect day; Problems all left alone. Weekenders on our own .....it's such fun.... Just a perfect day; you make me forget myself. I thought I was someone else .....someone good. "][/caption]

I see that you are troubled, Rafa. You were loved in Liverpool and now you are loved in Manchester. I believe that the Bolton Wanderers job maybe available to you soon (it's in Greater Manchester), although Mark Hughes is more likely to get that job. Gary "Mystic" Megson predicted that his own team would be relegated in 2009-10 (sorry, I can't find the link to prove this, although I'm absolutely 100% sure he came out and said this publicly before the start of the season), so I don't see how his Chairman can stick with him any longer now that there is a quality manager available. And you, too, Rafa. You, too.

And Alan Shearer will become the new Liverpool manager under the guidance of Kenny Dalglish.

Hmmm... everything is getting a bit foggy. Smokey, even. Smokie! "Head Over Heels in Love":

You make me a stranger that's what time can do baby you mean ev'rything to me darling there's no danger for all that we've been through that anyone could love you more than me.

KK. How romantic! Kevin Keegan will make (another) sensational return to English football management as... Magpies' boss aka Notts County's Big Club Chief Team Selection And Coaching Press Conference Officer. Terry McDermott (who else?) will be appointed as his Assistant alongside Terry Venables, Glenn Hoddle, Graham Taylor, David Platt, Ian Wright, Gazza, Sol Campbell (Gazza's straight man), Gareth Southgate, Peter Beardsley, Chris Waddle, Terry Butcher, Paul Ince, Winston Churchill, Maggie Thatcher and Carlton Palmer. You have to think (and look) outside the chocolate box for stuff like this.

Seriously, though, it is all getting a bit hazy here. I see a smoking man. No, I'm wrong again. It's so cold here that my woolly hat has fallen down over my eyes. It's Benny from Crossroads!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="288" caption="The cold conditions were not good. He couldn't even start a small fire to keep himself warm."][/caption]

No, of course, it's not. It's Carlo Ancelotti, silly!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="187" caption="If you think this is cold..."][/caption]

Will Carlo go the same way as Big "Phil" Scolari? Let's hope he doesn't go the same way as Carlo Cudicini. Xmas and New Year, the half way mark in the English League season is a bit of a crossroads for most teams. Plenty do well in the first half of the season only to fade in the second and vice versa. Some continue to be crap all year long, while occasionally others stay true to form for the duration. Chelski are the only team that can truly stay true to form and win (seeing as they are and most likely will be top come the New Year).

Back to the star gazing. It seems inevitable to me that Ancelotti will be sacked as Chelsea manager in January or February 2010 after a run of bad results, injuries and loss of form, possibly affected by the African Nations Cup. He will be replaced, on a temporary basis, by... Avram Grant, who - after a highly successful if short spell at Portsmouth - will guide the Rent Boys all the way to second place in the Premier League and the Champions League Final, before being replaced by World Cup quarter-finalist Fabio Capello.

With sufficient use of smoke and mirrors (and beer) Avram Grant could be mistaken for cold-blooded-killer-with-a-heart, Léon:

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="213" caption="The haunted look necessary for any unsuccessful football manager"][/caption]

But not really.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="460" caption="Avram Grant makes a great effort to wear the hangdog expression of someone who knows he is truly beaten, yet he always maintains that irritating little smirk of someone who just can't believe he is in the job he is in"][/caption]

Still lots of smoke. It is The Smoking Man!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Ancelotti, fired for too many draws"][/caption]

But I've already foreseen his future... look... it's...

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="338" caption="I didn't see it. If the referee says he was smoking then he was smoking. But I didn't see him smoking so therefore he wasn't smoking in my view."][/caption]

...Arsène Wenger!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="480" caption="Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-crunching nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left... is an empty box... filled with useless, brown paper wrappers."][/caption]

After another season of failure (if you call third in the League, FA Cup Semi-Final and Champions League Quarter Final failure), everyone's favourite southern, French whinger will say "Au revoir" to Arsenal... to take up the reigns of the England football team.

Who will replace Wenger at Arsenal, I hear you (or a voice, somewhere) ask? Easy! What is the one name missing from the list of people joining Sven Goran-Eriksson's project? Apart from John Barnes. Or Tony Adams. Yes! Lucky Guus "Gooner" Hiddink!

My final prediction for today: On Saturday, 6 March 2010, Wolverhampton Wanderers are scheduled to host Champions Manchester United at Molineux, the weekend before United play the second leg of their Champions League tie with AC Milan. The previous weekend Wolves are away at Bolton and then away again at Burnley the following week. I don't need to gaze into the stars to be able to confidently predict that "Irish" Mick McCarthy will select a team of ball boys and tea ladies for this game (which they had no chance of winning anyway) while Sir Alex Ferguson in a manner that is leading some increasingly to question his sanity will pick an eleven comprised entirely of Old Trafford match-day stewards (who, of course, would otherwise have the day off), bar Wayne Rooney. Admittedly, Lord Ferg's injury list will have got longer by March. Not only will he be without eight of his first and second choice defenders he will also be without three goalkeepers, fourteen midfielders and six forwards. Rooney is the only surviving recognised first-team player available for selection and, naturally enough, Fergie plays him in goal (he still scores a hat-trick, saves a penalty, gets sent off and fractures all his metatarsals kicking one of the Wolves' tea ladies' trolleys on his way to the tunnel. He later apologises, but is immediately blamed by the press for England failing to win the World Cup. Little Mickey Owen sneaks on to the plane instead.).*

* Giles Smith wrote a mildly amusing article for The Times along similar lines. This final paragraph of mine is not intended to copy or in any way infringe on Mr Smith's copyright or authorship of his own article. I had the idea first, or at least round about the same time and certainly before I had read or Mr Smith had published his piece, I swear, but I didn't have a deadline or a financial incentive to write it. And, really, he hasn't thought his through properly. He has a car park attendant and the box-office manager playing for Wolves, when we all know that in reality they would have to work in their normal jobs that day to deal with the crowd. You could say the same about the ball-boys, of course, but they are practically on the pitch anyway and they can still fetch the ball when it goes out of play.

So, where was I?

Oh, yes. Installing Habari.

For my next trick, I thought I'd have a go at installing WordPress instead. I found the Ubuntu How To Install WordPress Guide (admittedly for Ubuntu 6.06 not 10.09). I followed the instructions. In particular, I followed the instructions on how to install Apache, MySQL and PHP. I installed WordPress. It didn't work.

I tried Habari again, having moved my Habari files from /www/var to my /home directory. It worked! Looks and feels great, too. Wonderful. A new blog/website.

Now to get some hosting.

I did a little research and settled on Pixel Internet. £19.99 for the Starter Package for one year seemed reasonable and it looks to me like they provide everything I need to run Habari. Could be wrong. But if I am, they have a one-click install of WordPress available as part of the same deal.

I got my hosting and tried to get it to work with Habari. No can do. No screenshots or details as it's all a blur now. Maybe I will try again and record it for Part Three. Installed WordPress via the one-click hosting install. Installed WordPress on my PC. Ne'er the twain shall meet, methinks.

So. I have Habari installed and running locally on my PC and WordPress installed and running remotely on my web host. Not ideal, but I feel I'm getting closer, even if really I'm as far away as I was before.

Posted via web from Another Url, Another Planet

Tomorrow Later today, I'm giving a talk to EMU (Enfield Mental Health Users' Group) on the subject "A Day In The Life" of David Marsden (that's me), Chief Executive of Enfield Clubhouse (my day and night job). Their request, not mine. So I thought I'd better think about what I'm going to say.

I could take the Andy Frost route and tell them that the image they use on their website and printed material is a cassowary not an emu.

I could find some funny facts on Wikipedia such as:

• Emus are also able to swim when necessary
• In fact, even if the food is not offered to them they can be rather persistent in helping themselves
• During the breeding season, males experience hormonal changes, including an increase in luteinizing hormone and testosterone levels, and their testicles double in size.

Better to be an Emu than a Cassowary, though:

• Cassowaries are very shy, but when disturbed, they are capable of inflicting serious injuries to dogs and children
• As for eating the Cassowary, it is supposed to be quite tough. Australian administrative officers stationed in New Guinea were advised that it "should be cooked with a stone in the pot: when the stone is ready to eat so is the Cassowary"
• Cassowaries have a reputation for being dangerous to people and domestic animals. The 2007 edition of the Guinness World Records lists the cassowary as the world's most dangerous bird. During World War II American and Australian troops stationed in New Guinea were warned to steer clear of them. Many internet entries about cassowaries state that they can disembowel a man or dog with one kick, with the long second toe claw cutting the gut open.

Or I could focus on what I actually do, or try to do in my job.

We all have mental health needs. I facilitate a safe space in which people can grow to feel loved, valued and respected again, to rediscover a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives and to develop the resources to cope with the loss or absence of any of these things.

Now, when I occasionally see one of these day-in-the-life style pieces with other people, they're usually a chronological journal of the day's activities and tasks, both professional and personal. So it will go something like this:

Wake up at 4am to go for my morning 3km swim, light gym session, shower. Catch up with emails while having a massage. Back by 6am for breakfast of fresh fruit, Greek yoghurt and croissants. All heavily seasoned with crushed and dried bulls' testicles. Read papers and deal with any post. Catch train at 7am, more emails and voicemails while commuting. At office by 8am. Grab a coffee and start working through my agenda for the day with my PA. Meet with team to plan day. 9am Do more work in one two hour session - meeetings, reports, presentations, media work - than most people could hope to accomplish in a week or even a month. Go to a networking lunch meeting. Be terribly charming and meet lots of equally charming people. 2pm 10km run. 3pm Board meeting. 4pm Achieve World Peace. 4:15pm Call it a day.

My day starts more like this, minus the comb, stairs and hat:

Woke up, fell out of bed, Dragged a comb across my head Found my way downstairs and drank a cup, And looking up I noticed I was late. Found my coat and grabbed my hat Made the bus in seconds flat

A train and three tubes later I'm on the top deck of the bus calling to let people at work know I'm running late, but will be there by 10am. Andy or Gunsel will have opened up in time for the early birds who like to get to work for 9:30am.

Usually I'm early enough for John to offer to make me a cup of coffee. I put a pound in the money pot to pay for my drinks for the day and exchange hellos. I think it's really important that we all say hello to each other in the morning. There's nothing worse than turning up to work or a meeting and nobody says hi, especially if you are new or you don't know anyone there.

As often as not, these initial greetings will throw up a question, issue or item of news that we follow up as a group. So it may be that someone is moving from the Rehab. Unit into her own flat to live more independently. Or someone has a question about their welfare benefits or about what voluntary work is available. Generally, people in the group - Clubhouse members - have all the qualifications and experience necessary to advise and answer each other.

My job is to make sure everyone has a chance to make a contribution, to be heard and understood, and to be actively informed decision-makers. My job is also to try to remember what the hell it was we were actually talking about before we meandared (or were gerrymandered) into discussing how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall*.

We end the meeting at about 11am with people agreeing to take responsibility for some of the daily household and garden maintenance jobs that need doing - dishwasher, laundry, sweeping, mowing the lawn. If people are cooking a lunch someone takes the role of chef with two or three assistants. One or two people might make a shopping list and go to Sainsbury's to buy the ingredients.

Others will clean the toilets, hoover or empty the bins. Someone works on reception and someone else in the finance office. Alternatively, if the morning meeting has raised an issue about work or using the internet, say, then if people are interested in it then we will try to go with the flow and do something with it there and then.

So, if the issue was about lack of up-to-date skills and recent work experience we might look at creating a CV highlighting all the things that people already do and their strengths. If it was about finding information, creating digital photos or using Twitter, we would get the laptops out and start searching, evaluating, uploading, editing, printing and tweeting.

I'll pick up any messages and mail, sign off any invoices and pass on to the finance office to raise cheques, check email and my to do lists. If I'm not facilitating groupwork, I'll work on the most important and urgent tasks on my to do lists such as completing a monitoring report or funding application, or a regular task like paying staff, or responding to urgent requests from the Council to count up how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall*.

This takes us through to lunch at 1pm. We eat together, if we can, whether we are sharing a cooked meal prepared by the chef and his or her assistants or if we bring in our own packed lunches or get something from the local bakers'. A bit like saying hello in the morning, eating together at lunch time is also important. Again, there's not much worse than feeling like you are all alone to eat lunch. Usually lots of interesting conversation and laughter. A good time for tweeting, too. Once a week we have a separate staff-only lunchtime meeting.

2pm and it's time to get back to work. Still plenty of jobs for people to do around the house, especially if cleaning up after a cooked lunch. Afternoons are usually a bit more free-form - fewer group activities and more individual work and social interaction. I think that the real foundation for the work that we do with people is based upon the forming and sustaining of good relationships with them. Relationships built on mutual trust and confidence, no false promises, but a commitment to try.

4pm and it's time to start saying goodbye to people. Time to finish off some of the things I've been working on earlier, respond to new mail and messages, a tweet or two. I'm done by 5pm unless there's a monthly Board meeting at 6pm.

That's more or less what my typical day is like at Enfield Clubhouse.

When I come back down to earth I change out of my Superman outfit and resume my role as Chief Cook And Bottle-Washer at home.

*Not really

Posted via web from David Marsden

davidmarsden

and, how do I get started on cake - I mean !habari - I know I need to buy hosting, but is there an idiot's guide (or a guide for idiots)?

andyc

@davidmarsden And what about !Habari ?!?!?! Wey hey. Oooh, err, Missus. No - don't.

michaeltwofish

@davidmarsden Start with the !habari wiki, download and follow the installation instructions. http://wiki.habariproject.org

andyc

@davidmarsden This may be helpful - http://www.mattgibson.ca/2008/10/29/installing-habari-blog-on-ubuntu-server-to-replace-wordpress/

To be continued, maybe....