Another Url, Another Planet

So, I hired pickpockets and dressed them up as Dickensian cheeky-chappy/chappette Artful Dodgers to pick people’s pockets and give the money to me. I then invested it in high-interest, very short-term funds and used the profits to pay my staff what they would have earned from the original theft plus a nice bonus for returning the stolen items to their original owners – preferably in a suitably stealth-like manner, or alternatively, brazenly so that they could use the distraction to take something else. The US American tourists in particular thought it was wonderful. How they loved posing for pictures with real life Fagins and Oliver!s while the little urchins snatched their belongings and quaint Olde English decimalised money.

“More!” they cried, “More!”

“Less is more!”

I also donated a percentage of all my profits to children’s charities and orphanages and issued calling cards to customers thanking them for participating and supporting a worthy cause.

As enterprising as this sounds, it didn’t really work. Although I was employing thousands of pickpockets who would otherwise have been unemployed, on the streets and committing crimes to earn a living, what I had to face up to was the reality that they were still homeless criminals, albeit now tax-paying homeless criminals. In effect, as their employer, I was no better than the tobacco business.

Well, ok, I wasn’t that bad. At least I wasn’t killing people. (Skip to 5:40 on the video for the bit about the tobacco business.)

Anyway, why am I telling you this?

A few months ago I started ordering books from Pickabook via my charity’s webshop – I think we get 5% commission on every purchase, which is considerably more than using Amazon or Waterstone’s. So, the first few books arrived at my door, no problem. Then, one book I ordered didn’t arrive. I emailed Pickabook’s customer care and asked them to resend, which they were happy to do after I’d assured them that I’d checked with my neighbours and the local Royal Mail sorting office. The book duly arrived a couple of days later.

I ordered some more books. Some of them arrived, but two didn’t. I asked Pickabook to resend. Again, they agreed. One came and one didn’t. Another book I’d ordered since didn’t arrive, either. According to the online order tracking facility on Pickabook’s website, one of my undelivered orders shipped on 29 October, the other on 27 November. On 10 December I went back to customer care and asked them to re-order (again) or refund me. This is their next day response:

On Fri, Dec 11, 2009 at 1:30 PM, Pickabook Customer Care <care@pickabook.co.uk> wrote:

Hello

Thank you for your e-mail and carrying out the checks we suggested in our last e-mail to you.

I am sorry to hear that Royal Mail still hasn’t delivered your parcels. Delays like these are extremely unusual, and we share your frustration.

When Royal Mail cannot deliver, its normal procedure is to return the parcel to us. We have checked our returns, and your parcel has not been returned to us. This means that there is a good chance that Royal Mail will still deliver your parcel to you.

In very rare circumstances, we have known deliveries with the Royal Mail to take up to three weeks. Could we please ask you to wait a little longer, therefore?

In the meantime, if your parcel is returned to us, we will be sure to let you know immediately and to offer you a refund or perhaps replacement. Likewise, if the parcel reaches you, please do let us know.

Given that we have attempted to issue replacements and these too have not arrived, we would not be willing to reorder again at this stage.

Regards,

Susie

Well, I’d been waiting six weeks already for the first book and two weeks for the second. But anyway, I waited another ten days without receiving anything and decided to ask for a refund.

On Tue, 2009-12-22 at 12:59 0000, Pickabook Customer Care wrote:

Dear David,

I have looked carefully at your situation. Of the orders we have despatched to you, you seem to be advising that the following orders have not been received – 269985 despatched 11th October, 270164 despatched 13th October, 271141 despatched 30th October and 272949 despatched 27th November. Each of these orders were despatched as individual items via Royal Mail Second class post. None of these items have been returned to us which is the usual procedure when Royal Mail are unable to make a delivery.

We are been trading now for over ten years and have used Royal Mail throughout this period to make our despatches. We have never had a situation arise such as yours before and have no other customers in your area reporting delays or non arrivals of their orders. As this seems to be a problem specific to you in isolation, I will need to pass the claim onto the relevant authorities.

Please can you confirm by return of email that you are stating that four out of the five despatches we have made to you have not arrived so I may make my report to Royal Mail?

Regards,

Susie

I don’t like the way she seems to be saying that I am the problem here. And I still want a refund, which I’m entitled to in law.

Hi Susie,

Yes you are correct in your summary.

I have been buying goods online for ten years, too, and never had a problem like this either. In addition, while I’ve had occasional delays from other suppliers I’ve never had so many items from one supplier not be delivered. So, likewise, this seems to be a problem specific to you in isolation, too! Of course, to be fair, I have received a number of books from you (hence my continued use of your online shop) and you have received all payments for these goods in advance of shipping, including for the books I haven’t received.

I’m happy to help with any way I can with Royal Mail and in the meantime, I’d appreciate it if you will process a full refund for me.

So, Xmas came and went. We entered a new decade. Vast amounts of tumbleweed rolled by. My right lung stopped working properly. The credit card I used to buy the books expired. I was feeling kind of pissed off.

Sent: 23 January 2010 13:15, To: Pickabook Customer Care, Subject: Fwd: Order #s 271141 and 272949

Please update me on what you are intending to do about refunding me for the items I have purchased but not received.

If I do not receive notice that you will refund me in full, I will notify the relevant authorities.

On Wed, 2010-01-27 at 13:36 0000, Pickabook Customer Care wrote:

Dear Mr Marsden,

I have thoroughly investigated the circumstances of the despatch of orders to you.

Each order was despatched individually and correctly. We have used two different despatch centres in different locations and you advise neither has been successful in getting orders to you.

Royal Mail are unable to identify any local problems and, as I stated in my previous email, we have not received any other reports of failed deliveries either of this nature or in your area.

I am therefore unable to refund your purchases until the orders are returned to us.

I would recommend that you carry out your own local enquiries with your neighbours and your local sorting office to see if they can assist you in locating your missing deliveries.

Regards,

Susie

Wow! The bare-faced cheek! Since when was it my responsibility to ensure they delivered their goods, not to mention investigate my neighbours’ potential criminality or sort out the mess that is the Royal Mail? I sent them another reminder of the law, which they clearly seem to believe they are above:

As I’ve already stated in previous emails, I’ve asked my neighbours and the local sorting office.

I’ve paid for goods which I haven’t received. In law (Sale Of Goods Act), I’m fully entitled to a refund, so please action this immediately.

If you do not do this I will have no option but to report you to the Office of Fair Trading.

On Wed, 2010-01-27 at 14:22 0000, Pickabook Customer Care wrote:

Dear Mr Marsden,

I am unable to process a refund for the outstanding items until they have been returned to us. If Royal Mail return them to us I will advise you by email.

Regrettably I am unable to assist you further until that time.

Regards,

Susie

Aaaawww! Diddums. Not speaking to me anymore?

At this point, I thought I better double-check with a consumer rights expert, as by now I was beginning to doubt my own sanity. Maybe Pickabook are allowed to offer to deliver me a book, take my money for it and then just keep my money? Maybe I missed the meeting where pickpocketing was legalised?

A quick call with Sally at Consumer Direct confirmed, however, that I’m going mad and that, indeed, I am entitled to a refund and Pickabook are breaking the law by refusing to do so. Sally advised me to send the following by Recorded Delivery (this is the email version, which they completely ignored):

Pickabook Limited

Wolseley House

Oriel Road

Cheltenham

Gloucestershire

GL50 1TH

27 January 2010

Dear Sir/Madam,

RE: Order #s 271141 and 272949

I’m writing to ask for a full refund for these two orders, which I have not received. I am entitled to a full refund under the Distance Selling Regulations 2000 and as I have not received the books I have paid for and you have refused to refund me despite several requests by email, you are in Breach of Contract.

I expect you to give me a written response within a reasonable time – I suggest that five working days is reasonable. I will also send a copy of this letter by recorded delivery.

Yours sincerely,

Due to my deteriorating – and I should say, unrelated – health condition, I wasn’t able to get out to the Post Office for a couple of weeks, but within a couple of days of posting I got a reply.

Et maintenant, mes amis, la pièce de résistance:

Don’t worry. I won’t be ordering from you again. Cheeky bastard.